BY: Brittany M.J.W Cook
I’m so lost what should I do? No one will help me, no body every hears my cry’s for help. He comes in my room almost every single night. I try my best to fight him off of me, but I am only an eleven years old little girl. He is way older than me, and so much stronger than me to. I just can’t get him off of me. I can’t get him to leave me alone. I try to, but than he hits me. what on earth should I do?
My mom is in the next room asleep, but she never wakes up. It’s like she doesn’t even hear me screaming. I try to tell her what he does, but she won’t believe me at all. She didn’t believe my sister either. Now my sister is gone away, and she isn’t coming back because of him. She shouldn’t be blaming her self for what happened either. No girl, or boy should. It’s not there fault, it’s the persons fault that is doing it.
My sister ran away because he used to do the same things to her, he had both of us than now he only has me so it’s worse than it used to be. I’m so scared. I don’t know what to do. Should I tell someone? What if they don’t believe me? Than what would he do to me? So many question, but there is never any answers.
All I can do now is lay awake at night and wonder if he is going to come in tonight or not. So I lay there in my bed and wait for the morning to come, so I can go to school and get away from him. I know its only for about eight and a half hours away from him, but its better than nothing.
It’s really not much better than it is at home. Honestly, I’m not very popular at all I have only one or two friends. There not really friends, but someone I can talk to. There only talk to me when their friends aren’t around watching them. When their friends are around there mean to me as well as all the rest of them. By the way, I’m only in the fifth grade.
We have lived with him since I was about three years old. My sister is four years older than me so she was about the age of seven years old. He didn’t used to do that it all started about when I was around the age nine or ten. We lived in Georgia, in a three bed room house on a hill.
Now, that I don’t live there any more, I am still afraid of every boy or man that comes near me, touches me or anything like that.
I’m in the seventh grade when I finally get out of that hell hole. It’s been two years since my sister left. I’m probably going to live with her, but I don’t know yet.
No, I live with my cousin. I don’t really like her, but she is okay I guess. We live near Jackson S.C. My new school is okay I guess. I’v made a few friends, the boys here seem nice, but I don’t know yet.
My mom has left me again for another man, I don’t know what to do. I have no where to go. I have to go live with my two sisters and my brother. It may not be that bad, but all I can do is wait and see. It is now one o’clock in the morning. I should be in bed by now, but I am not. I waiting on my brother to come pick me up and take me to my new home.
I have to leave my new school now, and go to another one. I kinda hate being the new kid all the time, but I guess i’ll get used to it. It’s feel like nobody wants me. Now I live in Aiken. The third school i’v been to since I have started the seventh grade, hope this is the last and hope I make some friends.
First day at my new school I have made two friends, they are both girls. They seem really nice. The teachers seem to be okay I’m guessing. No matter what I do I’s still afraid of every boy in my classes. I wear a jacket all year, and my hair up. I try to fit in, but it isn’t easy. This school year is almost over, I have more friends in one year than I had in fifth and in sixth grade. I think this was a pretty good year for me. I wonder how next year will turn out.
So now it's my eighth grade year. I'm in another new school. Wonder how it will turn out. Soo far so good. I have a few new friends, mostly girls. I'm not so scared of boys much anymore. I still lay awake at night wondering if anyone is gonna come in. I live in fear. And I don't know what to do about it.
Three years later!
I am now sixteen years old. I am still living with my sister and brother. I still have some fears of the past, but there not as bad as they once were. I have now found a man that I am madly in love with. He makes me feel safe when ever he is around. I don't know what I would do with out him. I will be seventeen in a few months now. It is now March only a few weeks from my birthday. The man of my dreams has pop the question. I have said yes of course, lol. He is eighteen years of age. He is everything a man should be. I hope and I pray that we will stay together for ever. I also hope that me fears will not interfere with or relationship. I have just moved in with my fiance. I still lay awake at night even tho I know he won't let anyone or anything hurt me, or happen to me. So far we are really happy. Happier than I have been in a very long time. I'm wonder how I could have been so lucky to find him, and him to choose me out of all the girls in the world. We have been living together for about five months now, and were still as happy as can be. We haven't had any disagreements at all. I have made alot of new people that I love because of him. I turned out to have the best father in the world. And now I know even tho I still and probably always will have fears. That nothing will every hurt me again......!!! ~~THE END~~ My life. Its hard most of the time. Sometimes it makes you laugh, other times it will make you really angry. Then there's those times when i'm with the best person in my life, my fiance. When i'm with him i feel so happy so alive. I don't know what to do, how to act, or what to say. Then when i'm away from him I feel alone, like I just want to give up on life, I mean I know nobody said it was gonna be easy, but I didn't know it was gonna be this dang hard. I look around and see that my house isn't a home, no, its just a place full of hate and lies. My mother. She makes me lie to my father for her. She makes us all lie for her. She makes us hide the truth. I want soo bad to tell him the truth about "Them". I feel like i'm going to explode if I hold it in any longer. I want to run and hide from all the lies and secrets I hold within me, but I just can't get away from them no matter what I do, or where I run to. I need to do something to stop it, I need the pain to end. It's killing me inside and out, but she doesn't care. she doesn't even notice how much it bothers me, neither does he. So I sit and wonder what to do. They act like there just friends so that my dad doesn't think anything of it even tho I know he can tell something is going on. Oh no, there not just friends they are way more than that, they are really Lovers. Everybody knows it, but him, the main person that should know it. I want so bad to tell him, to just yell it out to him, but where do I begin? Would he hate me forever? I couldn't bare it if my father hated me. I don't care if they hated me, they would get what they deserved, but my dad hasn't done anything wrong to anyone to deserve such pain as this. Why won't they go ahead and save some of the pain and tell him now? Just get it over with already. It would save all of us alot of pain. Oh but, no, she can't go down alone she has to take everyone else down with her, just to make herself feel better. She thinks everything is about her happiness. She wants both men to herself. She will do anything to get them both. As the days go by I wonder when will the truth come out? I wonder when it will all end? I wish I could get away from it all. The lies. The secrets. I wish I could just start over new. Far away from all the lies, secrets, pain, the hurt, and the tears i'v cried. I just want to get away and hide from all the noise within me. Its screaming at my brain to just yell it out already. I try to hold it in, but I can't for much longer. I just can't do it anymore. I'm starting to hate what my life has become of. I only want to be happy with him, start a whole new life, get out of this one. I'm stuck in a hell zone full of hate and torture. I want to stay with him, free of lies and regret, no tears, no fears. I don't think I can take it much longer. I sit here and wonder how can I tell him? how do I begin? when do I tell him? Will he ever forgive me? I have so many questions, but I have no answers. None what so ever.
It’s all out now. He knows it all. She can’t run from the truth anymore. She still trys and trys to hide it, she knows its to late, but she just won’t face the truth. He left when it should have been her that had to leave, but she still won’t admit to it. Any of it. I hope the worst will be over soon, but I know its no where near being over.
Her own child, her own little boy tells them the truth and says that he wants to be with his dad and not his mom. What do I, What do we do now? Where do I go from here? Do we try again or just start over?
He might come back, but she is only gonna do it again. Why doesn’t she just make it easy and let him go? Leave him alone? Move on? She is the one doing all of it. Causing all the pain, miserly, and tears. Why can’t he see that? He can do a whole lot better if he only tried to and everybody knows it. I know it. He should just walk away from her with his head held high, he did nothing wrong. Save himself a whole lot of pain. I know it won’t be easy for him to do, but he has to try. Just let her go so that she doesn’t have the chance to hurt him ever again.
She has finally gone away now. She can’t hurt him, us anymore ever again. He has found some one a whole lot better some one worth being called a mother. She is everything a real mother should be. I also finally get to move in with the man I love so very much and be happy. I get, We all get to start over with out any lies, any secrets. We get to live with out anything to hide from one another.
Sitting here alone I wish I had a friend, but I’v always been alone. I guess I should be getting used to it since I’v been here all my life and all alone. I never really knew my parents, I was raised by someone I’m not even kin to, but I truly thank them for there kindness.
Every day all I do is cook, clean, and sit on the front porch in my chair and watch the beautiful purple, pink, and a hint of orange lighting of the sun setting,and the sun rise over the tall green trees and fields of green grass growing tall in the distance. Sometimes I wish I could be anywhere but here. I also learned to live my life to the fullest because tomorrow is never promised to anyone.
As the days go by I start to look around and wonder what it would be like to go around the world, maybe to the mountains, the rivers and creeks, the beaches. I wonder what it would be like to see the world and all it offers to us.
Most people take it for granted, but me I have learned to love what you had. To go as far as you can. To do what ever you love, what ever makes you happy. I have learned to make the best out of life and to always do your best and to never quit.
God has made the most beautiful things on Earth. You should never think twice on what you love to do. Some times I just like to sit on the porch after a rain storm and look at the giant, beautiful rainbow. It’s so full of different colors and different shades of it.
Or sometimes just sit on the porch and watch the clothes blow in the wind that are hanging on the clothes lines.
I love the country, it has nothing, but fields and a dirt road. There are no streets, city lights, car noises it’s just quiet, wide open fields of green grass and trees, with a creek near by to wash laundry in.
It’s so beautiful how everything is nice and colorful. There is nobody around for mile to start any trouble. Nothing but piece and quiet. I love it out here so much, but I want to see more, to see the city and meet new people. I want to learn new religions to learn new cultures.
If you sit quiet enough you may get to see the deer sitting in the fields eating. They look so graceful walking around out there without a care in the world.
Maybe if you go to the creek and your quiet you can catch some fish of all shapes, sizes, and colors.
I wonder if I was anywhere in the world, but here where would I be now? How different do people dress? How many languages could I learn? So Many questions, but so few answers. I wonder What types of foods do other people eat, how do they live. I want to learn everything I can about them and all there ways.
I read about them a lot so I know some things about them. I read about the Amish and their ways, the Shakers and their ways and bunches more. All of them sounds so interesting to me, in a lot of different ways.
I also wonder if I could go Anywhere in the World, but here.
~ ~THE END ~~