SECRETS

Photo: fatherly.com

Preston Mikel Andrews.

BY: Virginia Donahue

Being gay is very hard. Especially when no one else knows but me. Except one other person. And I met him on an Internet dating website, while drinking my usual White Chocolate Caramel Latte from Queridas Cafe.
Jason Lee Riley is his name. Gosh, he’s so cute. We’ve never met, but i know that I have fallen for him within the past four months we’ve been talking.
He lives in Dallas, Texas. I live all the way over in Alma, Wisconsin. I want to be with him, yet I don’t know how he feels about me. I just hope the feelings are mutual, or I’d be heartbroken.
Jason is gay, as am I also. All of his friends and family know that he is gay, and they except his ways without hating him. On the other hand, I have never told anyone about my being gay. Besides the obvious, Jason.
It’s too embarrassing to tell anyone something like that. Especially when everyone in your school is a rich snob. My family is very religious, and believe that being gay is wrong. So there’s no way I could possibly tell my parents.
I want to tell them so bad, but I just don’t know how to do that without hurting or upsetting anyone. I wish they could easily accept my ways, as did Jason’s family. If I could tell my parents, I wouldn’t need to hide who I am anymore.
I mean, I didn’t plan on being gay. I just never had any interest in girls. My interest was completely toward the men. It’s very hard to be in a locker room with ten other guys walking around naked, and not get a boner.
I’m tired of hiding this huge secret from my friends and family. Tomorrow, I shall go to Querida’s, order a White Chocolate Caramel Latte, use their free wi-fi, and talk to Jason about this. I know he could help me through it. He always knows what to do.

Jason Lee Riley

I plan on going to Wisconsin to see Sebastian. I really want to be with him. I just want to lay in his arms and feel his lips on mine. I dream about this everyday while drinking my Irish Creme coffee at Mona’s Cafe.
I know I haven’t known him for long, but I certainly do know when I am in love with someone. Gee, I hope he feels the same about me. It would break my heart if he didn’t. I would still love him, though.
We talk everyday at four in the afternoon. He is very sweet to me, and I try to be as sweet as I can to him also. I have decided to pay a surprise visit upon Sebastian this weekend.
He needs my help with coming out of the closet. And by that, I mean, telling his family that he’s gay. He’s afraid they won’t understand or except him for who he is.
He has asked me for advice on how to tell them, but I can’t exactly say. It depends on what your family is like to tell them a big a secret like this one.
I have a secret, too, that I need to get out of me. I am emo. And I hate the fact that I am. My reason is because I was thrown around and abused when I was a child. I’ve been to way too many different foster homes and only one so far has showed love for me.
I cut myself because the memories never go away. Nightmares every night are terribly depressing. I wish it could all just go away, and never come back.
The only time I am ever happy is when I’m talking to Sebastian or reading a good book. Reading a book clears my mind. Sebastian is the love of my life; He always makes me happy. No matter what, he is there for me every time.

I’m boarding my plane now. I hope he will be very happy when I get there. I am afraid he might be upset with me for going there, but I need to let him know how I really feel. And the best way to do such a thing would be in person.

Preston Mikel Andrews

Jason says he has no answer to how I can tell my parents who I really am. He says it depends what your family is like to know how to tell them the right way. Oh, how I wish he was here, in my arms, right now.
Drinking coffee doesn’t always settle my thoughts like it used to. I still love coffee though. It’s very yummy.
Well, it’s almost four o’ clock. I’m on my way to Querida’s for more coffee, and to talk to Jason.

Jason Lee Riley

I have just arrived in Wisconsin, and am now on my way to a cafe in Alma. It’s called Querida’s Cafe. I hope someone there knows where Sebastian might be so that I can finally be with him.
I hope he isn’t mad at me for skipping our usual chat time of the day. I wonder if he easily gets mad.
Alma is a beautiful town. Small and peaceful. I like it here already. I find the cafe and seared myself inside after ordering an Irish Creme Latte.
Across the room is a guy my age who looks very familiar. He looks upset about something. I wonder if he knows where Sebastian might be. I think I’ll ask him once I am done with my latte.
I walk over to the boy. He actually looks kind of like Sebastian. Maybe it’s his brother! Wait. Does Sebastian have any brothers? I’ll ask him that when I find him.
I ask him if the seat across from him was taken and waited for an answer. What this boy says next sends a wave of butterflies into my stomach.
He looks up and says “Jason?” It’s Sebastian! It’s really him! Oh no. I didn’t think what I was going to say when we finally met. I just sort of thought we would jump into each others arms and cry of happiness.
Well, it definitely didn’t go like that at all. What happened instead was awkwardness. So awkward! I mean, I’m right across from the love of my life and just sitting here while he makes small talk.
I eventually get the courage to mention the ‘coming-out-of-the-closet’ situation and completely failed at talking. It was so embarrassing! I stammered all my words. Sebastian must think I’m a freak now. It doesn’t matter anyway. Once I help him come out of the closet, I can tell him my true feelings for him and only hope he’s happy with life then.

Well, we told Sebastian’s family of his sexuality. They didn’t like it very much, but they accept him because he is their son and his parents love him very much. I wish my parents would have been like his.
Now, if only I had the courage to tell Sebastian of my feelings, would I feel a little better. Should I just write him a letter? No. He deserves to know, face-to-face.
I’m going to tell him tomorrow at Querida’s. Querida’s is very comforting. I should be able to tell him somehow. Oh, I can’t wait to see him again. He is very gorgeous and smart. He smells of pomegranates. I love that about Sebastian. After all, I love him with all my heart.

I did it. I told him I was in love with him. And guess what? He feels the same way for me! I didn’t know how to tell him so I just said ‘I love you Sebastian…’ and he smiled, and I seen a tear roll down his cheek.
‘I love you too, Jason. With all my heart, and I want to be with you. I want to hold you close in my arms and kiss your head.’ He’s so sweet. I’m finally going to be with the love of my life.
At that moment, I reached over and grabbed Sebastian’s hand. ‘Come with me.’ I said. We left Querida’s and went to a nearby park. We found an empty bench, and sat close together still holding hands.
I told him my secret. The one about my family, that is, and he held me close in his arms. My life is now complete, thanks to the love of my life, Sebastian.

The End.

Stories
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