By; Clare Christian
Dear everyone thinking about suicide,
I know your hurting. I know how it feels. I know its painful. But please, don’t kill yourself. I know how it feels to lose someone that way… It hurts much more than you think. Even if you think no one cares, someone does. So don’t end your life. If for no one else, then for me please.
The sun came in through the window in a blinding light so bright, it wakes me up. I sit up and look around me. Everything looks so different; so odd; so… clean and tidy. Was my room this clean last night? No, it couldn’t have been. My room is always a huge mess. My mother always said, “It looks like a tornado blew through this place.” But even though it’s messy, it’s organized. I knew where everything was. But now, everything was out of place. My CD’s are nowhere to be found, but they are usually right under the bed near the corner and… Wait… I can see under my bed… That means I’m not on the bed like I thought I was.
I look around. Oh, I see. I’m in my closet lying on the ground. Weird… I wonder how I got over here. I must have been sleeping walking again. I really need to see a doctor about that. I stood up slowly, feeling a bit groggy. I wonder how long I have been asleep. It can’t have been that long. I stretch my arms way up high before remembering I’m in a closet. I hit my hands on the ceiling.
“Ouch.” I say. My hand kinda hurts now. But I just shake it off. I go look at myself in the mirror.
“Ew,” I think. Then, I look a little closer at myself. I looks as if I’ve gotten whiter. Odd, since I didn’t think I could get any whiter. But, oh well. I walk to the laundry room, grab a fresh towel, and go start the shower. As I’m waiting for it to get warmer I go and pick out my outfit for the day. But, I realize what time it is when I walk back into my room. I’m running late!
I run and get in the shower real quick, but I waste a little time. The water just feels so warm; my skin is unusually cold today. After the shower, I hurry back into my room, freezing from the cold air after being used to the warmth of the shower. I just throw on the first thing I grab. I managed to have still not picked anything out to wear before I saw the time. So, now, I just threw something on. It ends up being a pretty, white dress that I stuck in the back of my closet ever since I got it. But that’s strange… Why would it be the first thing I saw if it had been in the back of my closet only yesterday… Well, whatever. Everything was just peculiar today.
I put on the dress. Surprisingly, it still fit well. I had worn it once to my grandmother’s 50th Anniversary Wedding. I’ll remember that day until I die.
Gram and Gramps looked like twenty years old again, but still madly in love. I smiled at the memory. But it was a bitter smile. Poor old Gram is all alone now. Grandpa left us a couple of months ago. But grandma told me, “Don’t cry pretty girl. He’s in a much better place now.” She even smiled. Then, looking into his casket, she only let out a single tear, then kissed him on the hand, and said, “I love you,” for the last time.
I had finished putting on my makeup now. I grab my backpack and run out the door. My wristwatch says I only have two minutes to get to my bus stop. So I run.
When I reach the stop, the bus just pulls up. I go to sit down at my favorite seat; Seat number 6, on the left. But someone is sitting there.
“That’s weird,” I think. No one ever sits in my seat. I mean, I’m not trying to be mean and hog the seat, but everyone knows that’s where I always sit. But, that’s okay. I look for another place to sit, but there aren’t any empty seats. So, I go to ask the girl sitting in my seat if I can sit with her.
“Um… Hello,” I say nicely. She ignores me. “Excuse me,” I start again, “May I sit here?” She still ignores me. The bus driver starts driving, which doesn’t make sense. She never starts driving until everyone is sitting down. I balance myself on the back of the seat to keep from falling.
“Excuse me…” I tap the girl – who is still not paying attention to me – on the shoulder. But she still completely ignores me. I wave my hand in front of her face. She blinks and turns her head more towards the window.
I sigh. Well, if she’s going to ignore me, then I might as well sit down.
The bus ride is slow. But, we finally get to the school. I walk over to the tree in the middle of the grass where my best friend, and boyfriend, Danny and I always meet. I stand there and look around. I guess, even though the bus seemed slow today, we must’ve gotten here earlier than usual; Danny is always waiting here for me whenever I get here.
The clock gets closer and closer to 7:15. I decide to go look for him. Now, where could he possibly be? I go to his first class to see if he’s waiting there. Nope. I go check the library; maybe he’s working on a project. Nope. I go check the cafeteria, because he might have been hungry this morning. Nope.